There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What drink are we having for lunch?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Im part way to drunk.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
