I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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