I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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