Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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