i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
