TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
