Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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