Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
