people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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