is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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