He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
