you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
