were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
