just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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