What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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