There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
