it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
