Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
