i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
