sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
