I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
