The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
