got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
