Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
