My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
