She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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