Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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