My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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