Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
