Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
