but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
where are my eyebrows?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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