Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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