he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
