i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
