3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You made out with two different species that night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
