I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
