Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
