Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
