i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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