Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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