i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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