even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
