So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
