Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
