i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
time to smoke my breakfast
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
