thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
50% drunk capacity currently
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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