my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
