I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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