how can u be prego again
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
