I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
