Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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