Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
false alarm. still invincible.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
