I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
