You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
