tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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