I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
