I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
